Psychology of Infidelity

Why do people cheat in relationships and what’s the way forward ?

From the foregoing, it’s clear that infidelity is a mental process occasioned by the function of learning techniques that happens over time.

The Psychology of infidelity oftentimes is a function of societal permissiveness for men to seek out other partners while this shouldn’t be practicable to women folk. Thus, in most cases, men engage in infidelity more than women. The percentage is incomparable. This is also due to cultural restrictions for women and seeming permissiveness for men. For example, in some parts of Idoma land in Benue State of Nigeria, women who engage in infidelity oftentimes are visited with the wrath of alekwu (the spirit of the ancestors)┬á, a god that controls infidelity among the people, especially women. A woman who engages in infidelity brings hard luck to her husband, including but not limited to the death of children, the husband, and suffering from varied pestilence diseases. A man who engages in similar infidelity rarely gets equal consequences. This over time gets into the heads of the people through a learning process referred to as classical conditioning in psychology. This is a learning process where people eventually become used to an activity as a result of continuous pairing with an event, whether positive or negative. As this continues unabated, another close learning process referred to as operant or instrumental learning ensures. This is a learning process that makes it more likely for behaviour to repeat as a result of the reward that the first behavior received. A man who engages in infidelity and doesn’t get punished is more likely to continue in the behavior than a man who gets punished. On the other hand, women who engage in infidelity and get punished or face consequences, are less likely to engage in the act subsequently.

The following reasons contribute to infidelity
(1) The feeling of superiority complex and acceptance of the dominance of the male folk. Men who feel entitled to certain things including multiple sexual partners go on to engage in the act because they want to exhibit their male agility and power to dominate and be atop the female folk. This makes them demonstrate behavior in the extreme regardless of the consequences and the feeling of the woman.

(2) lack of emotional intelligence: most men are not emotionally intelligent as their women counterparts; they do to them what they wouldn’t want to be done them. A man may let hell lose if he suspects his woman to be unfaithful let alone when he finds her unfaithful. But, a woman who catches her man in the very act may handle it with kid gloves and may even treat him with more respect. This is because she feels and thinks it’s normal for such to happen and not the other way around. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your Emotions, understand why it’s there, and manage them so you can be able to recognize the Emotions in others and understand why others are feeling that way so you can influence their Emotions for your good. This means, if a man could let hell come to earth when he suspects his woman to be unfaithful, the woman too could feel the same way and wants to let hell come to earth. Emotional intelligence makes us empathetic, have self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivated towards behaviors that people like and we appreciate. Anyone who’s emotionally intelligent won’t do to others what they don’t want others to do to them.

(3) Mental health condition called Pathological Jealousy: This condition is peculiar to long-term male alcoholics who suspect their wives of infidelity and oftentimes check for telltale stories to satisfy their suspicion. They search the bags of their wives and monitor every conversation they have especially with male folks because of the suspicion they have on them. Most of them end up engaging in infidelity to get back at their wives’ supposed infidelity. They use the excuse that they’re doing what their wives are doing behind them. Pathological Jealousy is a serious mental health challenge that can go away once drinking is discontinued.

(4) Hypersexuality: this is one serious psychological condition that many people take likely yet plays a very significant role in infidelity. On both sides, the hypersexual may engage in infidelity when their spouses are hyposexual. Women are most often hypersexual nymphomaniacs and this is one reason why most women engage in infidelity in marriage, when their husbands can’t satisfy them. Lots of divorce cases abound when some Men can’t cope with the high libido of their wives or vice versa. If they don’t seek a divorce, Men who can’t meet up with the high libido of their hypersexual wives may seek other women outside who will condone and accept their level of sexual satisfaction. This is from the fact that women reach sexual orgasms later than men. Men who engage in infidelity select women that won’t complain about their less libido. TO A LARGE EXTENT, MOST CASES OF INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGES ARE RELATED TO SEXUAL MATTERS.

(5) Inappropriate affect or Flat affect. These are psychological terms referring to the misplacement of emotions/feelings and the absence of emotions/feelings. A spouse who doesn’t feel the Emotions required for the sexual response phase in their spouse may seek it out with others who provide them with the Emotional sexual response phase. People don’t engage in sexual responses instantly or instinctively all the time. They often get to the phase when the other partner gets them there or provides the atmosphere. Most men experience sexual response and urge with other women more easily than their wives, perhaps because their wives are careless about it or practically deprive them of the atmosphere for the response. The mere voice, name, or thought of other women may set the men on the response phase and thus, increases infidelity. This is one reason why some spouses moan the names of others when having sexual activities with their spouses. Inappropriate effect or flat affect can send people to seek infidelity with those who provide them the expected Emotions needed for the normal sexual response phase.

(1) Try to identify the Emotions in your spouse that increase the sexual response phase

(2) learn emotional intelligence and try to apply it in all aspects of your life, especially with your spouse

(3)Try to take care of your mental state to treat underlying mental health challenges that could predispose you to irrational behavior such as infidelity

(4) Do not let what society or culture bestow on people take influence on you. Strive to be different rather than follow the masses who use excuses to engage in infidelity because of their gender inclination

(5) Learn the sexual response phase and sexual characteristics of your spouse as either hypersexual nymphomaniac or hyposexual to know how to relate with them to reach orgasm equally.


The Psychology of infidelity has taken a great part of the reasons for infidelity and infidelity has affected many marriages and still affecting them. It should be noted that what others outside can do for you that maintains infidelity, can be done by your spouse at home. Understanding and communication can make all the difference. Whatever style you wish for, no matter how long, can be experimented by both spouses. Spouses should take the time to identify sexual response phases and the Emotions that could take them there. This could be discovered during foreplay which is usually advisable for a smooth sexual response phase. Don’t be shy or feel guilty or irritable about such discussions and practices aimed at discovering new ways to improve sexual life that will reduce cases of infidelity.

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