Growing up somewhere in Nigeria; divorce, separations and single parenthood used to be something we watched on the TV, read in magazines and gossip tabloids or even heard about once in a very blue moon, in fact, most of our parents couldn’t even comprehend the word itself. Fast forward a few decades, divorce and single parenting now seem to be the situation in vogue almost as if it is a fashion statement pioneered by celebrities and socialites to be absorbed by common folks at every whiff of marital challenges. Sad right?
Unlike in the western world where divorce and separation are done with reckless abandon, here in Africa, we hold the institution of holy matrimony sacred and not to be toiled with, marrying a spouse used to be a dogma for absolute devotion and self-sacrifice. Rather true to a disturbing norm, we have also copied and pasted the Institution of divorce and separation into our doctrine.
To proffer a remedy to this malady being taken for granted in our immediate society, we will be looking at how you can easily identify and ultimately choose the right life partner that will “complement” and “grow” you as an individual thereby making life as fulfilling as it should be rather than making a human judgment of “forcing” the wrong person into a situation that will end in regret for both parties concerned.
I once read somewhere that “we are all created as one piece of a two-piece puzzle”. Finding your second piece unique to you is a treasure hunt that will determine your happiness in certain phases of your life. Wellbeing digest will show you pointers, tips and self-truths that you will require in finding that right one who will make and not break you.
Don’t make that choice out of fear: The truth is that so many times individuals either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of fear. That fear of being alone vary widely from person to person depending on childhood situations, juvenile experiences and emotional Traumas in life.
Dear Friend, the reality is that It’s better to be alone and wait for the right person that makes you happy than to make a decision out of fear, in which you will wake up one morning to regret.
Give people a chance that you normally wouldn’t give a chance to: “No one knows what tomorrow brings” This is a saying that applies in choosing that right life partner. The wrong you see in a partner can be corrected or improved if given a chance.
Attraction can grow the more you get to know a person and their personality. Some people also take a lot of time to get to know and don’t wear their heart on their sleeves. You may not get a chance to find that out if you don’t take the time to get to know someone. My advice is to swallow your ego, ask him/her on a harmless date, get to know them, let them get to know you and your instincts and emotions will guide you on which is worth taking a shot at or which is better left. Don’t conclude.
Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out: Let me know you a bit, the qualities of a person that can help to build the foundation of a good partnership are:
* emotional generosity.
If you find these qualities in someone, be curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem to like your type of person at the beginning. Other criteria, like “sense of humor,” “world traveler,” and “good dancer” are nice-to-haves but don’t necessarily have to be there for you to be happy in your relationship. Learn to focus on the core positive elements a good partner must possess because if you continue to be bothered so much on minute details such as height, color, size etc. it’s very probable that you will make the wrong choice of getting a true partner for the rest of your life.
Don’t let lust be your guide: People tend to put up with a lot of crap from someone they are dating when they feel a magnetic chemistry with them. Magnetic chemistry has a strong power because it isn’t something that happens often. When we find someone we have magnetic chemistry with, not only is it an aphrodisiac that we can’t get enough of but we also confuse it with the right person (e.g., “this must be right if I feel this strongly!”). Magnetic chemistry is great but doesn’t excuse bad behavior because of it, more importantly, don’t allow it to cloud your judgment on other key pointers about that individual. Sex and fun become stale after a while but it’s those good qualities that sustain and reinvent the union as time passes.
Look, the less pressure you put on yourself as it concerns choosing a life partner, the happier you are with yourself, and the more at ease you are will create a space to attract the right kind of people to you. This is one secret all those relationship experts often neglect to tell you.
Sometimes, it takes seeing a lot of what you don’t want to figure out to get what you want. The most important thing is that “You stay true to who you really are” so that you don’t end up becoming a habitual pretender and being miserable for a long time. Don’t be easily distracted by the surface character been shown to you by a partner.
In conclusion, look deep within for those qualities you want, and trust your instincts. Tell yourself ‘’if it doesn’t feel right, then it most probably it isn’t right,